


you can’t keep what you did not have

by juniees



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, Post-Chapter 686: Death & Strawberry, angst/comfort/smut, ishiruki rights!!!, rukia’s grand homewrecking tour 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:06:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25404322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juniees/pseuds/juniees
Summary: he thinks he can taste her sadness, thinks he might drown in it.
Relationships: Ishida Uryuu/Kuchiki Rukia
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	you can’t keep what you did not have

.

.

_“…because grief can taste of sugar if you run your tongue along the right edge,”_

hieu minh nguyen, **not here**

.

God sleeps in his lap. 

And she is a delicate little thing, head nestled into his thighs with her crown of dark hair curling around her chin and the slope of her tiny nose. 

She does not stir when he brushes that black silk hair aside, doesn’t stir when his pinky traces the shell of her pink ear and it’s a small wonder that she doesn’t wake to his careful ministrations. 

The back of his knuckles graze the apple of her cheek, her skin soft under his touch and he feels fortunate to witness such innate loveliness up close.

He could write sonnets about her beauty, about her spirit. Could leave them lingering around Karakura in places she cannot visit. 

He wonders if it would be cruel to leave them at Kurosaki’s doorstep, then reprimands himself for the callous thought. 

Besides, he knows that Kurosaki has enough repressed poetry about the girl to last him lifetimes. 

Still, this thing they share isn’t love. 

It could be, but it won’t be. 

It is limited, they both know this. This interaction between them has it’s expiration date. He knows a day will come when she will not seek him out, and he thinks maybe it will hurt.

Still, god sleeps in his lap and he counts the seconds he has left with her. 

. 

“Abarai-san.” Uryuu hides his surprise to see the small shinigami dawdling on telephone lines. It takes him back to centuries ago when he was fifteen and still just a fool.

She floats down to meet him, her feet touching the pavement in a graceful step and, “Aren’t we past such formalities Ishida?”

“Are you not fond of your new name?”

“I preferred being a Kuchiki. I worked very hard to earn that title.” 

“You could’ve kept it.”

“Tradition thinks otherwise. Besides, Renji was adamant.”

“I see.”

Rukia smiles, a little exasperated but nevertheless fond and that too, surprises him. 

“Ichigo was right, you really are a pain in the ass.”

Uryuu smirks despite himself, “I can’t remember a time that Kurosaki was right about anything.”

There is a breath of silence between them as they share exhales of cold air. 

“It would be rude if I didn’t invite you inside.” He thinks of his mother, sweet and always polite. This is what she taught him, mind your manners and be kind. 

“I don’t mind the cold.” Rukia says, fingers curling around the hilt of her zanpakuto. 

“I know but...

“Come,” Rukia touches his elbow, it’s a display of closeness that he isn’t familiar with—at least not with her, “You can make me tea.”

. 

Uryuu is out of tea. 

Instead he pours two glasses of plum wine his friend from university gifted him for the holidays. 

Rukia is sits on folded knees as she brings the cup to her lips, “This is not tea.”

“It’s the next best thing.”

“Are you trying to get me inebriated Ishida-kun?” Rukia deploys her best school girl voice, and bats her lashes for added effect.

Uryuu rolls his eyes, “That’s hardly the case. Why are you in Karakura?”

“An old friend can’t visit?”

“I wasn’t expecting that I would be the one you’d be visiting.”

She smiles, it’s controlled and knowing and at least a hundred secrets are locked in those lips. 

“Ichigo doesn’t need me hanging around.” Rukia says 

“And I do?” Uryuu wonders and, “I am some reconnaissance mission for you?”

“Of course not” Rukia is sharp but not unkind, “Believe it or not, but you’re a friend Ishida. I came here to check on Karin, her reiastu has grown quite substantially over the last year.”

“Is she...?”

“She’s fine. She’s safe. I asked her if she wanted to train as a Shinigami and she said she has her whole afterlife for that.” Rukia explains with a bittersweet fondness 

“And did you see Kurosaki?” Uryuu asks after a moment 

“No,” Rukia shakes her head softly, “No I didn’t.”

. 

Together, they finish the bottle. 

Despite her diminutive stature, Rukia can hold her liquor better than most adult-sized men. 

“I grew up with brawlers,” She clarifies, “I learned to fight before I could read.”

“And the drinking?” 

“Just came naturally I suppose.” Rukia shrugs

“Your childhood astounds me.” Uryuu declares as he puts their glasses away. He’s not drunk, fortunately. He does feel lighter, a little less tense and perhaps even content.He’s not happy, but it’s better than the state of melancholy he perpetuates.

“It makes for interesting anecdotes.”

“Certainly.” Uryuu agrees, keeping eyes on Rukia as she moves to the end table. She picks up a framed picture and, “Can I ask you something, Kuchiki-san?”

“Of course.” Rukia says, putting the picture down. 

Uryuu looks at his mother’s smiling face in the frame then back at her, “Why did you marry Abarai?”

She stills before turning to him, “What a question to ask.”

“The way you looked at the wedding...” He pauses, thinks of that one night in July when Abarai and Kuchiki-taichou came for her—and the way she wouldn’t let herself cry, “You seemed unhappy.”

Rukia smiles, brittle and bitter, “Happiness is a luxury that we cannot afford anymore Ishida.”

“You honestly believe that?”

“Ichigo does.”

“Kurosaki is hardly right about anything remember?”

“Yes well, human emotions like happiness aren’t for shinigami.” Rukia shakes her head as she moves toward the door 

“So you’ve resigned yourself to what? A life of discontent?” Uryuu follows her 

“This is not what about I want.” Rukia states firmly

“It should be.” 

“And what about this?” She gestures to the apartment, “Is this what you want?”

“I’m not sure I follow Abarai-san.”

“You’re keeping yourself at arms length. Karin told me that neither Ichigo nor Inoue have seen you since the wedding. That was _one_ year ago Ishida.”

“This isn’t about me.”

“It should be.” Rukia recounts his earlier words 

“No, this is about you and what you think you want.” Uryuu asserts

“What I think I want?”

“Yes. Unless you can tell me what you really want.” He says, moving closer to her 

“I want...” She trails off, eyes flickering from the column of his white throat to his eyes. 

Rukia surges up to catch his mouth with hers, kisses him deep and searching. For what? He’s desperate to know. He has nothing to give her and yet, her fingers curl against his collar as she smooths her tongue against his. 

_ I want to feel something... _

He slides a hand down the line of her back to her waist and she really is so tiny. It should give him power, but she’s the one who crowds him into the door. She’s the one who is kissing him breathless, stealing his hesitations away. 

Rukia pulls back, eyes like blackberries under long lashes. She licks at her swollen lips and, “I want this.” 

Ishida looks at her, eyes drawn to the disrupted neckline of her robes and how it previews sharp white collar bones and flushed skin. 

His eyes flicker to her face, to her red lips and mussed hair and she’s an open wound.

She’s bleeding out, her careful control relinquished in favor of something desperate and terrible. 

He thinks of how to treat an open would, and what they taught him in med school. 

Stop the bleeding, clean the affected area, numb the pain...

Uryuu steps forward, fingers threading through black silk hair and he cradles the back of her head.

_ Numb the pain. _

He tilts her head up, and kisses her deep. Her fingers catch at his waist, holding fast to his shirt as he starts to walk them back into his bedroom. It’s clumsy and uncoordinated and completely unlike them but it makes Rukia moans sweetly against his mouth. 

_ Numb the pain.  _

They pull apart, undressing quickly with hurried kisses as they free themselves from their clothing. Rukia pushes him onto the bed with a delicate hand firm against his chest. She climbs onto the bed after him, and settles between his legs.

_ Numb the pain.... _

She leaves a trail of kisses down his abdomen, breath cool against his navel—against his hardness. 

Rukia presses a sweet kiss to his tip as she wraps slick hands around his length. She takes him in her mouth, hollows her cheeks and sucks hard as she pumps him up and down. 

Uryuu twists his fingers around the sheets, teeth digging into his bottom lip as he tries not to buck into her mouth. 

She moves her hands to cup the sides of his thighs as she swallows him deep, and she’s got him so wired that he feels like his going to test the theory of self combustion. 

Rukia is not merciful today. 

She releases him with a wet pop that makes his dick twitch hard and eager against his stomach. Rukia moves to straddle his hips, she leans back as she takes him in her hands and rubs his head against her clit and _fuck,_ she’s so wet. 

Uryuu smoothes hands up her side to her chest, palming her breasts and rolling peaked nipples with his thumbs.

She makes a little noise in the back of her throat that encourages him, emboldens him.

Uryuu rolls them over in a quick motion that makes her gasp. He nips at her throat, taking soft skin between sharp teeth to suck and pull—soothe and lavish. 

He reaches a hand between them and tends to her clit with clever fingers. Uryuu watches her intently, sees the way her brows knit as she shuts her eyes and she’s lost to the feeling—it’s exquisite, she’s exquisite. 

Uryuu moves so that he’s sitting upright at the edge of his bed, cock hard and wanting between strong thighs. 

Rukia follows him, swings a leg on the other side of his thigh and holds fast onto his shoulders as she hovers above him.

_Whose pain?_ Uryuu wonders as she tilts her head toward him, nose grazing his cheek as she shudders in a deep breath and kisses him. _Whose pain?_

He cannot decipher the difference between her agony and his own. Can’t tell where her pain started and his ended, they’ve melded together into a state of shared sorrow. 

Rukia sinks down on him with a languid grace, he wraps hands around her hips to guide her movements. 

They move together slowly, sunlight from the blinds makes lines across their features as they inhale shaky breaths. 

She does not cry out when she comes, no—she buries her face in the crook of his neck, her brow cool against his skin as she holds him.

He doesn’t last long after, the feel of her tight against him sends him over the edge.Uryuu fucks her through his orgasm, nails digging purple crescents into her white skin.

Rukia pulls him down for another kiss, it’s soft and gentle. It’s without the urgency or desperation of their first kisses, instead it’s something quiet with a resounding ambivalence. 

He thinks he can taste her sadness, thinks he might drown in it. 

Uryuu wants to ask what she tastes when she kisses him. 

.

Rukia dresses with her back towards him, the line of her spine and curl of pointed shoulder blades highlighted by a setting sun. 

He helps put on her shoes, thumbs rolling over pronounced ankle bones. She touches his shoulder, stilling his motions, and “Ishida I...

Uryuu lifts up, touches a reassuring hand to the curve of her cheek, “You don’t have to say anything.”

Her eyes soften and she looks divine with appreciation. 

He walks her to the door but Rukia stops her again with fingers on his chest, “Ishida, if anyone deserves happiness...it’s you” 

“Kuchiki...” He inhales shakily 

“It’s you.” She is soft in her conviction, and gives him one last smile before disappearing out his door and into the night. 

Uryuu only allows himself to exhale when he’s felt her reiastu disappear through the Senkaimon.

.

.

.

**Author's Note:**

> um...
> 
> in conclusion i just wanted the two hottest characters in bleach to get their nut and that’s that on that!!


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